Unfortunately, I've heard a lot of these. Whether they were directed at me, or my friends. But a few were not mentioned in this list. My favorite of which being: What's this tattoo of? (pointing to my upper-back, then running his hand from shoulder to shoulder)
I, having had no tattoos at that point (and even now, I only have two and they're invisible, no really, they're there. they're just invisible) looked at the over-muscled, not-even-close-to-my-type fellow, glared with what I'm told is an admonishing and frightening glare, and told him to "back the fuck up, and keep your hands off of me." and I pulled my keys out of my purse, (complete with my pepperspray) while trying to find my wallet to pay and get the hell out of the bar.
Then he said, "Oh, that's how it's gonna be. Well, you're missing the rest of my pick up line. I was gonna tell you it would be my name soon."
I mean seriously. Who the hell would that work on?
Coincidentally, this was the same night that I maced 2 guys. On my way home from the bar, I was walking to my house that was in the superghetto, and an old, maroon Cadillac passed me slowly on my right. I ignored it. Keeping my eyes straight ahead. And walking with my usual ferocity (Craig always says I have the most serious walk he's ever seen in a person my size)
The car drives to the stop light 200 yards ahead of me, and makes a U-turn. Oh shit.
The car slows to a stop once it's two feet in front of me. And then the driver leans over the passenger to talk to me just as I crossed by the window. "Hey baby, what you doin' walkin' all alone down here? Don' you wanna talk to me? Look at how your ass moves! Comeon, talk to me! Your ass says you want to, baby!" And the passenger says "We'll give you a ride! come on baby!"
at this point I've passed his car, and he's now moving in reverse down the hill to keep time with me.
So, seeing no other option, I stop, he stops. I look him straight in the eye, say nothing, raise my arm. And spray mace into the open window.
A bunch of screaming ensues, "That fucking bitch just maced me!" etc, etc. Their car rolls down the hill a little bit, swerves, gets stuck on the gutter and comes to a stop.
I kept moving forward to my house. Called my roommates, ("I JUST MACED TWO DUDES!) and as soon as I was 15 feet from the car... RAN to my front yard.
It was quite a night.
7 comments:
bahahaha. that kind of reminds me of a situation little bella got herself into, except you're way smarter and sassier than she ever was and thank goodness for that. p.s. i didn't use your name in my post b/c i was trying to be indiscreet w/names...not that i know why that is, it just is.
p.s. thanks for being my first follower:)
I used to have mace of my key chain and then one bad night I maced myself and now I just talk to myself out loud- because no one wants to mess with a crazy person.
My pick up line days are over, not that I ever really used them. I just said "hi" and hoped for the best. I found that if I started the talk with no expectations, it usually turned out better than if I talked to a girl with the intention of fucking that night(or hour).
And I watched enough of my friends get pepper sprayed or kicked in the balls by being assholes with their pickup lines or after getting shot down to learn my lesson.
Hahaha. Raul.
Imagine that... talking to a girl like a human being WORKED?! CRAZY! I totally thought they were some weird species... well,
Actually I always thought they were hurt, because obviously they just fell from heaven.
;)
x: I cant beieve it took me so long to "get" your comment.
I'm shamed.
Wow...
Just fell from heaven. You're good.
My panties were dropping already.
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