Challenge #4 and Etiquette!

My my my. Let's start with the "etiquette" part of this entry.

I had a new follower earlier this week, and was quite delighted to have had someone start following the blog all on their own, as one is want to do!  However, he would seem to be some sort of bizarre follower-whore who simply starts "following" every single person who begins following another blog.  (are you following me?)

And so I blogblocked him.  Is that cruel?  I just... felt a little dirty.  Especially because now he's all over your (my real followers) blogs.  I've unleashed this scourge upon  you and now I'm letting you know that I'll bring you the vaccine, just tell me where to meet you!

But I digress, 

The time has come for yet another writing challenge.  This week, as it is still February... the month of love... (and breast cancer, and african american history...) I thought perhaps we should write a series of haikus for george washington carver, inventor of peanut butter (among many other great things) 

It can really be about anything you like, so long as it involves good ol' georgie, and some delightful peanut based snack.  I'll probably incorporate love and asphyxia, but your subject-matter is up to you!

Tis Monday again

shove off ye untold lovers

find something to write

I'm going to love

disapproving lil' letters

don't wait til too late

Due thursday near 5

when you'll find your desserts

Peanut butter-bound

Yesterday, Oh Yesterday

There's something about certain songs that I can't resist when I'm in certain states of mind/body.

For instance:  When I'm cold or need to calm down, I like Bon Iver's Skinny Love or Manchester Orchestra's I Can Feel a Hot One. When I'm hot I like to listen to pretty much any  Jamie Lidell song.  When I need a pick me up, I'm always good for Joe Purdy's Just Cant Get it Right Today I know, it doesn't make sense, but that song makes me happy.

And perhaps most embarrassingly when I'm overly upbeat or a little bit tipsy...  I love Hanson.  Yes. Hanson.  No Mmm Bop though (cause that would be silly).  Mostly from their "underneath" album (which... I don't know if that's good or bad... probably bad.) Last night I was reminded of this when Sam, Keith and I decided to split 3 pitchers of Margaritas.  Yeah.  Never let your tipsy husband convince your already drunk brain that one more pitcher is a "challenge."  Cause challenge or no, one pitcher per person is NO GOOD.

That being said, when Drunk-Corie got home from the Mexican fiesta that led to a quick siesta, she put on Hanson really loud and danced around in her underwear and some galoshes.  Yep.  I'm not sure why exactly I had on the galoshes, but I think it had something to do with just prior to the dancing about when I was walking my dogs.  Dear god I hope I had on pants while walking the dogs. 

Remembering that this morning (oh wow. this morning) I was reminded of a fateful summer afternoon in which I was doing mostly the same thing (but with pants on).  I was totally ROCKING out.... to a hanson song.  In my car, windows down.  A girl with mousy brown hair pulls up next to me, watches me for a second, then pulls up her arm as though she's about to flick me off for being such  crazy Hanson freak.  

But to my surprise, on her wrist... where most people would have a watch... was the Hanson "logo."

The girl was a walking, singing, breathing, arm-swinging billboard.  HOT DAMN.  I am cooler than one person. 

Vamp it up

And finally (maybe take 10pts off my final total for the tardiness of my assignment, Professor. Woopsie) Here is my response to challenge #3.  One of these days you'll all join in.  I know you have it in you. Make sure you check out Raul's entry on his blog. It's sweet and thoughtful.  Basically what a Valentine's day gift should be!

For the record:  this is a magazine article.  To be posted in "blud" magazine.  It's pretty hip, as far as Vampire magazines go.  Totally geared towards the younger groups.  You know, like 350-600 years old.  None of those multi-millenia bloodlusters. (ugh, old people. Gross)

Side note:  I went to journalism school.  Not that you can tell.  But I did.  And this is the first time I've used any of that "knowledge" in 3 years.  Well... probably more like 5.  Since I didn't really use it while IN school either.  Actually, I'm not sure I used it here, either.  Damn.

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Blood Oranges

by Corie, Vampire/Cupid extraordinaire

With the over-hyped, lovey-dovey, human-geared Valentine's Day just hours away, those of us without beating hearts are looking desperately for gifts to shower on our lovers.  Never fear!  Your handy, dandy Blud How-To girl is on the move.

I've spent the past couple of days searching for gifts for my fella, and I'll say it's been hard.  BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE!  

I started with the obvious.  "I'll just take him out to dinner"  I mean, he loves good Chinese Take-out.  And let's be honest.  Finding a lovely, loner Chinese woman on the streets of Atlanta really isn't that hard.  And convincing her to come back to our house would be even less difficult.  But for some reason, this year I am in the mood for a challenge.  Seems to me, the last 50 or so years we've had the same tradition.  Find food, bring food home, torture food, Eat food.  Yawn.  If I could sleep, I would most certainly be asleep out of boredom.

But not this year! No no, I refuse!  There will be blood, there will be lust, there will be gifts! Extravagant gifts!  

And so here we have a list of things I've found that seem to be the perfect opportunity for you to show your other half just how much they mean to you.

1:  I planted him a blood orange tree.  I know what you're thinking; let me explain.  "But... you do realize those oranges aren't filled with REAL blood, right?"  Yes, of course I do.  It's a gesture!  If I COULD grow blood on trees, I would.  So I'm starting him a blood orchard.  Every year, we'll plant a new tree.  We'll have 100 before we know it.  They smell surprisingly delicious.  But taste disgusting.  Just fair warning, smell, don't eat. 

2:  I signed him up for a blood of the month club. For the next year he'll have 1 gallon of the rarest blood from around the world.  From the description, I'm most excited to try the blood of a girl with a rare blood disease that causes all of her red blood cells to double and mutate a-sexually.  Can you imagine?! It must be potent.  For those of you who are newer and haven't had 500 years to accrue an amazing bank account, this might be out of your reach.  But if you are so lucky as to have wealth, this $400,000.00 price-tag is well worth the coin.

3:  Acting lessons.  I don't know about your mates, but mine is completely incapable of blending in with the outside world.  So... I've signed him up for a shakespearian acting class.  Maybe if he gives in to his more theatrical side, he'll be able to blend in better and we can start going out more often without my being so embarrassed when he inevitably whisks some pixie-haired brunette into the bathroom and uses her up when we're supposed to be passing the time watching  movie.  I hate when the humans see me enter with someone and then end up alone.  Stood up, as it were.   A little control, please... honey.

4: The Twilight Series.  Yes, really.  We all know it's a total farce.  (Although I do admit that after reading these books I decided I should try to drink animal blood.  Just to see if there was some glimmer of truth in this human's "fantasy." And let me just tell you... Don't do it.  You'll vomit & be sick for years.  Yes, years.)  But let's be honest.   It's a great work of comedic writing. Really.  One of us falling in love with a Human and not changing them immediately?  There's no fun in that.  And anyway, who doesn't love a love story on Valentine's Day.  And if you're into this idea, maybe the first season of True Blood would be another hilarious addition to your library.

5:  And Finally... I'd get him a human heart.   I'm talking about a straight-up human heart.  It's amazing what you can find on the black market for a grand.  I made sure it was still viable and had it inserted into a working model of the human body.  It's now going to grace our entry way as a fountain.  Yes, we will have a blood fountain in our house.  It's being finished and injected with some AB positive today.  His favorite.

Jealous?!

Whatever you decide to do for your love, make sure you get on top of it!  There are only 240 hours left to search and scour!  Get on it!  Then of course, Valentine's day will be here again before you know it. So, if you forget, I guess there's always next year!

For more information on any of the items I've found just contact me at: corie@bludmag.com

Make sure the subject line reads: Loveblood

Challenge #3

Alright, this week's Challenge (brought to you by Raul) is to write a short story, news article, poem, long story, novella... whatever you choose about...

A vampire shopping for a Valentine's Day Gift for his love.

Yes, I think he did this to appease me.

You have until Thursday.

GO!

On a Break

Yesterday was so JAM PACKED with activities I didn't have time to sit down and write anything.  Which made me sad.  Although I suppose that technically, I did post something as the day before didn't end until 2am.  

So today, I'm sitting here trying to think of something to say.  I usually like to sit down with something specific in mind before I get going.  But instead, today I've chosen to sit down with nothing to say.

And so, as I'm pondering what on earth I could possibly write about, I'm going to... instead... continue with Raul and I's poem contest and throw out a new contest.  Because this entertains me and I think it's good fun. 

So.  If you are interested, please come up with a 100-word --or less-- short story (yes, I know 100 words is a VERY small number of words.  It'll force you to be creative with your structures)  It must have the following things:

Lust, Aprons, a knock knock joke, telephones and a dump truck. 

Post your entry as a comment.  It'll be fun.

No.. really! Fun!  

I have mine written, I'll post it later.

Chainsaws and Moustaches

In response to the fantastically confusing and somewhat terrible poem "Alien Vs. Predator" that was recently featured in the New Yorker, Raul and I have decided to have a poem-off. 

[note: I am in no way an aficionado of  poetry nor am I really suited to judge poetry.  BUT... I didn't like it.  That's how I feel about it.]

I gave him the following topic:  Hybrid Cars and Teddy Bears.

He retorted with my topic: Mustaches and Chainsaws.

Here we go.

Just Cut It Down, a terrible poem written in 3 minutes.

Chainsaws roar to life just as

a mustache motorboats two breasts.

The saw rips down what has grown

While the 'stache grows every day.

A barbershop chair waits 

for yet another heated face.

To feel the cool breeze of morning

air where once their was hair.

The saw turns round and round

whisking away leaves, bark with 

seeming ease yet the operator

cannot feel its murderous guilt.

And so the murderer is left to 

cope and endure such loss

while the mustache gleefully curls

upward to the heaven it will find.

end terrible poem.  What'chu got Raul?!