On any given day, I send Sam about 15 unprompted text messages that say "I'M RUINED." (the picture is of one of my favorite responses to my proclamation. So I embroidered it on dish towel. Click the pic to read.)
I send these messages because I'm 119% sure that something inside of me broke off --it was an emotional regulator-- when I read the Twilight series.
Before December, I like to think that I was a moderately normal human being. I read a book every week and when it was over, there were a few hours in which I wondered about the lives of the characters. I'd let my mind wander over hypothetical plot lines, but by the next week, the novel's original plot remained, but for some reason I had absolutely no recollection of the main characters names. I blame this memory loss partly on the fact that I DO DID read a semi-substantial book every week.
That is, until a month ago. The ladies and I made something of a pact to go see the movie once we had all read the first book. "what's all the hype?! I dont understand teenagers" And so...I started reading the devil vampire books on a rainy car-ride with my parents to go get a piece of equipment that was purchased on ebay.
Big mistake. BIG EFFING MISTAKE.
For 14 hours in a car, I did nothing but submerge myself in the world of Edward Cullen (vampire sexystrordinaire... not a word) and Bella Swan (normal girl with crush on hot, sweet, overprotective vampire). And then I was hooked, the regulator broke off and was dropped by the wayside, probably somewhere in Tennessee.
I think if I had only had 3o minutes to read at a time it would have been one thing. But after 9 hours in the car, I had finished the first book, and asked my parents to STOP ALONG THE HIGHWAY SO I COULD BUY BOOK 2. Yes. That's right. I didn't ask for a "pee stop" all day, but I did ask for a book stop.
Somewhere in the mystical world of Forks, WA I got lost. And I think my soul is there somewhere, searching for a fantasy.
This is only part of the reason why I want to go there. First and foremost, I want my soul back. Secondly, I think I need a little fantasy. But most importantly, I want to go there because I think that it will break the mystery. It'll help me get over this... this... this absolutely ridiculous affliction that I have.
That's right folks, I'm addicted to a Tween Novel Series. I know I've alluded to it before, but I'm not sure you understand. I really... really really really don't know what happened, but I'm broken. I think about Edward and his vampire/wolfy cronies all the time. It's a mess. I'm a mess. My life's a mess.
I'm ruined.
But until I can find my regulator, I think I'm doomed to listen to the books on tape... conceivably, for the rest of eternity.
