Windinstruments and Percussionists: Two 55lb. dogs.
The Strings:Two 15lb. cats. (yes, they're fat cats, I know. They make up for how ultra-trim the dogs are) .
On an average morning, I get up around 4:30 or 5:00. I have to be at work by 5:45 and if I'm not up and about by 5, I wont have time to get the dogs outside, or get myself presentable to see a litany of people that I serve or am in charge of. And every single morning... without fail, the following set of sounds rushes through our house at levels the train just 40 yards from my front door rarely reaches within our walls.
I wake up, quite naturally at about 4:47. (I know this sounds ridiculous. But it's true) And do a little stretch. And when I say little, I mean that I look out the window and raise my arms above my head while still sitting in bed. It takes 2 seconds.
And that's when the sound starts. The dogs ("thegirls" from here on out) get up. I dont know how they hear me. 1) I have no alarm. 2) they don't sleep in our room, they sleep on the other side of the door on a landing. It's maddening. The MOMENT I open my eyes, their collars shake out the sleep like a castanet percussion entry. Here it comes!
Once they've gotten the shake out of the way (damn collars and their jingling), there's the whining. Well, maybe it's excitement for the new day, but high-pitched, desperate sounds seem to be whining no matter what when you're up before the sun and other reasonable people.
Secondly, there's the clicking of their nails on the hardwood floor of our landing. They get all excited, and start prancing around like 5-year-old girls in god-awful leotards and mommy's red lipstick, waiting for their first chance to try out the pennies they have glued to their new shoes (Side note: I've been that little girl, and pennies are definitely not the same as tap shoes. Perhaps I should apologize to my mother today).
So you have the whining (first movement), tap dancing, and then add in the staircase (PERCUSSION takes over again). We have a metal, spiral staircase. It's akin to the sound of churchbells chiming, if church bells were made by, say... the worst metal sculpture student you've ever seen. And once they plummet --and I do mean plummet-- to the bottom of the staircase the whining continues. Now they're whining, tapdancing and slapping their tails up against the walls. That's the second movement and now we're on to the third... The scherzo. More like schitzo.
Enter: the cats (from here on out: The Fats).
The fats are cute. Their tails are far less destructive. They're cuddly, friendly, they can't knock me over, and they don't need much from me. I've always been a dog person, but these two fats made me like two cats. They're also the devil in a fluffy fur coat.
I'd say the volume at this point of our --as of yet-- extremely short morning is probably at about a 7. And once the Fats start chiming in with their "song" the level gets to about a 9. They Meow. And croon, and gasp and hiss and... well they join the whining sounds the Girls are making at this point.
I have very little experience with cats, but I don't think it's normal. Most cats I've encountered couldn't care one way or the other what you do when you wake up. Maybe it's my fault for creating such a serious schedule for them. Up at 4:45, exercise vocal cords, fed at 4:47, sleep all day, go bat-shit crazy from 2-4, eat dinner after 5, sleep all night. Repeat. Or maybe it's the older cat's fault for teaching the kitten to meow. Either way. JEEZE. SHUT UP! I feed them every morning and so help me, it's like they haven't been fed in WEEKS each time we move towards their food bin.
And so the crooning is over once their food hits the bowl, and the girls are still tick tick ticking and thwap thwap thwapping around my feet when I turn on the teapot but slowly the sound starts to subside as the fourth movement slowly eases its way to a halt as they settle into their bed by the time the stove burners are red. Apparently my dogs just LOVE new days with a fervor that mystifies my human mind.
It's probably because they're pretty. But not smart.
